Jealousy

All of the girls in my office are skinny...ALL OF THEM! I work in an office of 70 people and of all the women there, I am the most overweight, by a country mile. I think for a long time, it was a major factor in why I was having such a hard time finding a way to get rid of the weight. I would get so easily discouraged when I would see my co-workers eating whatever they wanted and still fitting into that size zero...

All of them are skinny and yet, all they talk about is how to lose weight. You would think that skinny people wouldn't need to obsess about their weight, like us fat people, but it is the main topic of conversation. This cleanse and that boot camp and this yoga class and that protein powder. I would constantly hear comments like, "I'm so fat." (coming from a teeny tiny girl). 

Once, there was an article in the paper about a study that concluded that curvy women have smarter children, I pointed it out during lunch to some of the girls. One of the girls said, "I would rather have a stupid child."


Insensitivity. Or was it?


Now that I am finally releasing the weight for good and I am obviously and outwardly confident in my success, people are taking notice. There have been questions on what I am doing and the same girls are listening, but not saying much, at least not to me. I do hear a whisper now and then and I am sure it is not along the lines of "Wow, isn't it great that Jenna is doing so well?" 

The other morning we had a delivery of muffins and donuts to the office. I was in the kitchen with the skinny girls and they were all indulging. I just got my water and passed the treats by. One of them got noticeably anxious and yelled out, "Jenna, EAT THIS!" 


Interesting.


I think it makes them uncomfortable to see me getting smaller. They liked where I was and the target I had become. Even though their comments were never aimed directly at me, they were certainly meant for me. Now that I am moving away from that, they are jealous. They don't like seeing someone so self confident when they are so insecure.

Now I just smile inside when I hear them talking about their struggles with losing that stubborn 2 Lbs they gained on their knees. Because I know that I have what they can never hope to have; the wisdom that comes from real struggles.